Friday, August 20, 2021

Liberals Will Win if They Can, Steal if They Must

When a situation does not make sense, it is often because you are missing something. A piece of the puzzle has slipped under the sofa and, without it, the picture is incomplete.

Canadians find themselves in such a circumstance now, struggling to discern why Justin Trudeau's Liberals have forced an election at this moment. Polls do not seem especially in their favour, there is no proximate issue that demands ratification by the voters, and recent health concerns have permitted them to wield their minority government as though it were a majority anyway.

So why now?

Some have suggested that there is dreadful, scandalous news on the horizon and the Liberals wish to get an election out of the way beforehand. But this misunderstands the nature of partisan politics. Liberals and Democrats are not undone by scandal as right-leaning politicians are. Ted Kennedy killed a girl and never lost an election.

Others suggest the Liberals' own polling shows them in a stronger position than we might suspect. This seems unlikely. One of the very few things on which Canadians currently agree is that no one wants an election right now, and we all know this one is a Liberal initiative.

I rise to propose an alternate theory: They plan to cheat.

To claim there is chicanery in electoral politics is as banal as observing that birds go tweet; to say it of left-wing operatives is even moreso. Theirs is a godless religion, wherein the cause is all and truth is, at best, a means to an end. With minds focused ever on power, perhaps they see an opportunity in this moment that more honest people might overlook.

When I first bandied this inchoate theory about, people seemed to agree in principle that something seemed off, but none of us could quite figure what it was. Alas, that missing puzzle piece.

Then came news that, while about 50,000 vote-by-mail ballots factored into the last federal election, around 5 million are anticipated this time around. This opens all kinds of space for mischief. Moreover, there is precedent that is nearby and recent.

Canada and the United States have much in common. At the moment, both countries are run by imbeciles who are managed by goblins. Both countries have also permitted their societal norms, including the way in which elections are run, to be upended by the recent health concern noted above.

For purposes of time and clarity, I do not wish to dwell on the recent US presidential election, except to say that the official interpretation, which we are obliged to repeat under threat of social media excommunication, is laughable on its face. While it is possible, theoretically, that Joe Biden won fair and square, the narrative of votes-by-mail, broken water pipes, and sleepy poll-workers in six different cities needing to call it a night and stop counting is absurd.

Whatever happened, we can agree that the circumvention of election norms to accommodate public health was a boon to the current occupant of the White House.

Those who know Canada appreciate that a smug, harmless tic of its people is to insist that whatever injustices or enormities occur in the United States could never happen here. Americans have no idea they are being slighted, and the uncontested win gives Canadians a jolt of pride.

In this case, whatever weirdness happened in the US election is unlikely to play out the same in Canada, but the will to power of our left-wing class is the same as theirs. And that will finds a way.

Five million votes go a long way in Canada. Allocated cleverly, away from prying eyes and in feasible numbers, they could sway any number of seats to win the day. And the mail-in ballots are perhaps not the only means the Liberals have in mind to secure the result.

The one and only time I ran for federal office, more than twenty years ago, Liberal poll-watchers in some precincts shouldered their way in such that they were hand-counting the ballots themselves. It made no difference to the result of our race. In most Toronto ridings, Conservatives could run the Risen Christ and finish no better than third.

But such behaviour, and perceived entitlement to power, is how they roll.

Not being a Liberal, I do not spend my days contemplating how I can attain control over my fellow man. Consequently, the lack of further suggestions as to how they might cheat is a failure of imagination on my part. I can, however, propose how it might look on Election Day and thereafter.

Ridings that seem lost to the Liberals may suddenly swing back into the fold. Of course, this sort of thing happens in every election, but the number, timing, and placement will seem strange. Mailed ballots, late counting, and convenient, peculiar delays could break in one direction; too frequent to be natural, but too subtle to be proved.

In the weeks following a surprise Liberal victory, those raising questions about the election and its result will be labeled “divisive” and “conspiracy theorists.” They will be told to “move on” and we “have a country to run” and “you lost, get over it.”

The opposition robbed of victory – Conservatives, most likely – would be less than no help in the effort, reverting to form as affable losers and attacking their own supporters for being impolite.

I have known Erin O’Toole for about a dozen years. Outside of personal friendship, I can think of no reason to vote for him. On the issues that keep me up at night – freedom and personal sovereignty – he is either mute, or repeats some lighter version of the Liberals’ policy. As they say, leftists want socialism now, while conservatives want it in two weeks.

But what he does have going for him – and I cannot stress this enough – is he is not Justin Trudeau. Observing the prime minister’s domineering conduct the past 18 months, while in possession only of minority status, one shudders to imagine what totalitarian horrors he would unleash with a 4-year majority mandate.

It would be delightful if all this worry were for naught – a waste of my time to write, and yours to read – and we awake to a new, non-Liberal government, beyond the margin of mischief. Like millions of Canadians, nothing would make me happier than to have Justin Trudeau out of my face forever.

But from the moment I first saw him mincing onto the public stage, I sensed that Justin, like some inoperable tumor, was a condition I would have to live with for the rest of my days.

Maybe the Liberals have made a massive mistake in triggering this election. Could they be that dumb? Justin manifestly is, but the ghouls around him are not.

Theo Caldwell is a dual Canadian-American citizen who wishes the governments of both countries would stay out of his kitchen. Contact him at